User blog comment:The Redundant Button/Misfortune Made Her Sword - Chapter one up!/@comment-5470513-20170722032437

Hi there.

I read the first chapter of your Fanfic, and I must say, it was quite good if it was the first time you wrote something. You either have practice, or you read a lot, or both. I can see that.

I like the fact that you write in first person and past tense, which I think is the best way to write. Also, I like how you used the main plot points we see during Kayaba's speech, which many of the users here forget. You seem to be concerned with properly representing the aspects of SAO, and I like that. It helps me to remember that this is set on Aincrad, and not in some other universe. The only thing I think you forgot is for Kayaba to say that they need to clear all 100 floors to be released of SAO, but in all honesty, that's a nitpick.

Now, in terms of the actual things that happen in the chapter, there is where I see the biggest flaw. It's set on the first Day of SAO, so we all know how it goes. This is why I recommend all newcomers NOT to start on the first since we all know how it went. Now, with that said, it was probably the best representation of the first day in SAO I've read so far in this wiki. The other's aren't nearly as good as this one.

I found it difficult to differentiate characters, who's the main character, Who's Renee? who's Ashe? etc... But I did like the characters, and specially the impact the death of their friend causes on them, especially on the main guy. How the game that's now life and death impacted on him.

Overall, I think it's a solid and good start. I'm eager to see more of your story.

FedeTkd (talk) 03:24, July 22, 2017 (UTC)